Good Date?

“If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that’s a lot easier than continually getting hurt”

If only people had this skill.  It’s particularly important for dating.  That’s why there’s DATING COACHING to help you.

The fascinating article entitled FRIEND OR FOE, CROWS NEVER FORGET A FACE, IT SEEMS from the NY Times, ends:

Dr. McGowan and Dr. Marzluff believe that this ability gives crows and their brethren an evolutionary edge. “If you can learn who to avoid and who to seek out, that’s a lot easier than continually getting hurt,” Dr. Marzluff said. “I think it allows these animals to survive with us — and take advantage of us — in a much safer, more effective way.”

 

So how can you tell from an online profile or a first date, who to avoid and who to seek out?

 

Let me be your Dating Coach.  

Take THE EQ COURSE and get the edge. 

First Session Free

These are tough economic times.  They also appear to be tough dating times.  Not a lot of action going on.

But let me tell you, from years of experience at this, as “the holidays” approach, you better be ready for action, and to take action.

When you sign up for dating coaching with me, your first session is ABSOLUTELY FREE.  You will also receive “The Protocol,” a FREE assessment of your current online profile, and a FREE copy of my ebook DATING STRATEGIES THAT WORK.

Email me and mention these specials and lets get to work.  The holidays are coming.

GET READY, GET SET ……….. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Taking action, being prepared, and sticking with it are important parts of dating.  sdunn@susandunn.cc

Barack Obama and Dating

On my expert.com column, it comes up more than you might imagine

• I’m in love with my mother’s doctor.  He seems to like me, we talk a lot, but what can I do to get him to ask me out.
• I’m in love with my boss.  What should I do?
• My lawyer has got my head spinning.  Should I ask him out.
• I think my dentist is interested in me.  I want to ask him out, but I’m not sure how to do it.

Ahh, love in the workplace … love or ’something else’ – but it remains one of the major ways we get to meet members of the opposite sex, so here are three little tales:

1. My client Janissa went to a lawyer to file for divorce.  On the second appointment, the lawyer announced that he was referring her to another lawyer, that he wanted to date her.  
2. Shetha went to a psychologist for counseling about her marriage, the death of her father and other matters.  The psychologist  said he was falling in love with her and was going to refer her to another psychologist. 
3. About the Obamas:  “It was at the end of her first year as an associate at the law firm that she [Michelle] had been assigned to mentor Obama. In a now famous story, she at first refused to date him, feeling their work relationship would make a romance improper. But Obama’s courtship …”  This is from time.com and you can read the rest of the article here.

If the man is interested in you, no matter what the situation, no matter how “shy” you think he is, no matter, no matter … he will make his move, he will take action. 

Of course “courtship” is the big concept here.  I have another client whom I coached, whose boss simply started sleeping with her, while married to his wife.  NOT!

photo: wikipedia commons, author vargas 2040

To Get Romance You Have to Be Intensely Practical

dating

My dating coaching has my own special style and touch, but there’s one thing for sure: it is very practical and it covers the fundamentals.  In my seminars (next one, Sat., Oct. 18th in Dallas – email me for info) private coaching (in-person, phone and email), we cover the “rules” — the things that work and the things that don’t work.  There’s a different set for each gender, but some are in common.

Here are just a few that apply to anyone who truly wants to find their partner:

1. You have to have a strategy, a plan.  I work with you individually on this.  You may live on a farm in Idaho, or you may live in a penthouse in New York, or on Perdido Bay in Alabama.  But wherever you live there are places to meet members of the opposite sex, and there is also the Internet.
2. You must get active.  You must put consistent effort into it.  No matter where you live, no one is going to come and knock on your door and say, “Here I am.”
3. You must persevere.  Know that word?  It means you don’t give up.  It’s already taken too long, or you wouldn’t be looking for dating coaching, but once you find that person, you will forget all about how long it took; except that you’ll value them even more.  Don’t go out once or twice, or join one Internet site for 6 months and then give up.  I won’t let you! 
4. Get yourself in shape!  (This includes dating coaching for the particulars.)  If you need a new haircut, a new wardrobe, to lose a few pounds, to clean out your car, or spruce up your house/apartment, do it!  Same with attitude.  Ask yourself, “Would you date you if you were someone else??”
5. Cut people some slack.  In most cases an email or two or a date or two is not enough to really get to know someone.  The whole thing is to get to know the other person – over time and in different circumstances.  Anyone who tells you they don’t get nervous is lying.  Remember – I’ve coached  and listened to hundreds of people. 
6. On the other hand, there are some you will want to, and should, eliminate immediately.  I will teach you how to recognize these.  When it happens, move on.  And don’t dwell if someone you liked doesn’t return the favor.  Move on!!
7. Remember your manners.  If you need to brush up on your social graces and etiquette, we will.  They work.  Call to confirm dates.  Show up on time.  Apologize if you must cancel.  Be polite.  Use nice language.  You only get one chance to make a first impression.
8. Be fun, but watch the humor.  Humor is very tricky.  Get to know the person a little bit first or sure enough you’ll tell a joke about a dumb Black Lab, and they’ll own and love one (for instance).
9. Keep the conversation give-and-take.  Don’t talk about yourself the whole time.  (Some people tend to do this when they get nervous.)  Ask the other person questions.  Listen actively.  Show an interest in their lives and what they’re talking about.
10. Exes are “ex” or you’re not ready to be dating.

Most of all, please don’t make that first date like a job interview or a deposition!!

Dating Facts … and the Maldives

“10 Interesting facts about dating”  … and The Maldives**
(see my artical posted on Dating Tree)

1. The divorce rate among couples where the woman makes more than the man is 50% higher than among couples in which the husband earns more.

2. There are 25,000 to 35,000 polygymous marriages in the U.S.,mostly in western states.

3. The #1 cause of divorce worldwide is infidelity.

4. The #2 cause of divorce worldwide is infertility.

5. The #3 cause of divorce worldwide is unkindness.

6. Worldwide, wives who are less than 20 years old are more than twice as likely as women who are more than 20 to be killed by a husband in a jealous rage, regardless of the age of the husband.

7. 33% of women who have extramarital affairs consider their marriages to be happy, while 56% of men do.

8. Worldwide, women prefer to marry men who are older than they are and vice versa.

• In Finland, Sweden and Norway the man is 1-2 years older.
• In Nigeria, 6.5 years older.
• In Zambia, 7.5 years older.
• In the US, men in their 30s prefer a woman 5 years younger; in their 50s, a woman 10-20 years younger.
• In the US, on average in the first marriage, the man is 3 years older; in the second marriage 5 years older; in the third marriage, 8 years older.

9. For the lifetime, men on average would like to have 18 sex partners, and women, 4 or 5.

10. Remarriage after death or divorce?

• In the US, 76% of women aged 14-19 remarry;
• 56% of women aged 30-39;
• 32% of women aged 40-49; and,
• 12% of women aged 50-75.

From David M. Buss’s The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating . . .

P.S.  The highest rate of divorce, over 10% is in the Maldives. 

Photo credit:NASA/GSFC/METI/ERSDAC/JAROS, and U.S./Japan ASTER Science Team

_____________________________________

DALLAS DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR, Sat., Oct. 18th, 10 – 5.  $249 per person.  Pre-register now for 10% discount.  email sdunn@susandunn.cc . 

10 Interesting Facts About Dating

Maldives

“10 Interesting facts about dating”  … and The Maldives**
(see my artical posted on Dating Tree)

1. The divorce rate among couples where the woman makes more than the man is 50% higher than among couples in which the husband earns more.

2. There are 25,000 to 35,000 polygymous marriages in the U.S.,mostly in western states.

3. The #1 cause of divorce worldwide is infidelity.

4. The #2 cause of divorce worldwide is infertility.

5. The #3 cause of divorce worldwide is unkindness.

6. Worldwide, wives who are less than 20 years old are more than twice as likely as women who are more than 20 to be killed by a husband in a jealous rage, regardless of the age of the husband.

7. 33% of women who have extramarital affairs consider their marriages to be happy, while 56% of men do.

8. Worldwide, women prefer to marry men who are older than they are and vice versa.

• In Finland, Sweden and Norway the man is 1-2 years older.
• In Nigeria, 6.5 years older.
• In Zambia, 7.5 years older.
• In the US, men in their 30s prefer a woman 5 years younger; in their 50s, a woman 10-20 years younger.
• In the US, on average in the first marriage, the man is 3 years older; in the second marriage 5 years older; in the third marriage, 8 years older.

9. For the lifetime, men on average would like to have 18 sex partners, and women, 4 or 5.

10. Remarriage after death or divorce?

• In the US, 76% of women aged 14-19 remarry;
• 56% of women aged 30-39;
• 32% of women aged 40-49; and,
• 12% of women aged 50-75.

From David M. Buss’s The Evolution of Desire: Strategies of Human Mating . . .

P.S.  The highest rate of divorce, over 10% is in the Maldives. 

Photo credit:NASA/GSFC/METI/ERSDAC/JAROS, and U.S./Japan ASTER Science Team

_____________________________________

DALLAS DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR, Sat., Oct. 18th, 10 – 5.  $249 per person.  Pre-register now for 10% discount.  email sdunn@susandunn.cc . 

The Horrow Show Playing Nightly: Dating without a Dating Coach

Every day this horror show is playing in cities near you.

People trying to maneuver the incredibly complex dating scene today without the help of a coach. 

Every day someone is sitting in Starbucks being asked:

• How come you’ve been single for 10 years?  20 years?
• How do you feel about being a step-mom?
• Were you ever convicted of a felony?  
• Have you ever hit a man you were dating?
• Are you addicted to anything?
• What is your spirituality?
• How much money do you make?
• Are you bipolar or anything??
• What if I wanted separate bedrooms?
• How long have you been on match.com/eharmomy/plentyof fish, etc.?
• You’ve been divorced TWICE?
• Is this a deposition?  I thought it was a date.
• Is this your idea of fun?

Every day someone is staring at a profile with pictures like:

• A bare-chested man taking his own photo with a digital camera in front of the bathroom mirror.
• A woman with plenty of cleavage shown leaning over some man in a bar
• Pictures of men and women hugging dogs, teddy bears, DOLLS!
• A woman’s photo in front of a closet door with all sorts of articles falling out and a pile on laundry on the floor to the side.
• A professional (?) photo of a man with a rose in his teeth.
• A woman dressed in her Elvira Halloween costume.  I guess.  I hope.  There was no explanation.
• 30 photos on one guy’s site of oceans, sunsets, forests and nature, photos he ostensibly took. And??  
• A man holding two pistols toward the screen.

The horror continues as we read “interests” like:    

• go carts’
• golf, it’s my life
• the usual stuff
• I love to spend money, I hope you have lots of it
• my grandchildren are my life
• opera
• acid rock, raves, and Goth girls
• Anything dangerous
• I’m not a very exciting guy.  I watch a lot of TV
• I am here to pleasure the women. 

And then the list of things that really make you run screaming:

1. Please, no more cocaine addicts or wife beaters.
2. My last husband abused me and was a control freak.  Please don’t be one of those.
3. u coz u lik movies, make out, kissez, txt msg, and u r 4 me
4. If you don’t “get it” don’t write me
5. I want unconditional love (website given).  I’ve read everything there is on the subject. 

TWO REMEDIES FROM YOUR DATING COACH:

1.  Nobody likes to fhave a “date” that feels like a job interview or a deposition.  If you can’t do better than that, it’s no wonder you’re not getting date.  Let me show you what works and what doesn’t.

2.  The two greatest clues to what a person is like (without going back into history), and a test of compatibiity is (1) their sense of humor, and (2) their taste in music.

I mean picture you, a lover of classical music and opera, taking a 3 hours car trip with a woman who likes rap.  A client of mine described this to me as “the longest 3 hours I ever spent in my life.”

Call me for coaching, 817-734-1471.  I will hone you in quickly on what’ a possiblity and what’s a HORROW SHOW in the making. 

Inividual work, or seminar in Dallas area, Sat., October 18, 10-5, for limited number of participants, so you get the individual attention you need.

We cover

• What works and what doesn’t
• How and WHY to eliminate them quickly (life too short)
• How to ferret out the seducers
• How to court a woman
• Why taking 20 woman to the Starbucks onHighway 377 isn’t going to work
• Why not to mass email women/men (do you think we’re stupid?)
• How to identify a player
• How to answer an email from a man that says:  “Call me.  555-877-8088.”

AND LOTS MORE.  This is a fun, illuminating, life-saving seminar that will save you hours of frustration, and jump the learning curve. 

I work with an experience male coach, and we translate “male speak” and “female speak,” and go over the moves, the social graces.  We’ll write your profile for you, or rewrite it.  Show you how to move to the top of the list.  How to sneak a peek and they won’t know it.  How to block and unblock people.  Where to go in-town, in person.  How much time to devote to this.  And how to believe in True Love, as we do, and life’s greatest thrill — finding yout partner.

email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc or call 817-734-1471.

Don’t waste any more of your time!!

DATING FOR SUCCES SEMINAR IN DALLAS, OCTOBER 18TH.  Regularly schedule, so stay tune!  You will get individual attention.

We also offer dating coaching via phone and email; or will some to your town.

How to Choose a Wife

Do not choose your wife at a dance

This one is for the guys. The Czech proverb above says “Do not choose your wife at a dance, but in the field among the harvesters.”

Another proverb is that men fall is love with their eyes … which is fine, but that is not a good reason to choose a partner for marriage. For Proverbs of the World go to www.susandunn.cc and click the link on the left.

Ah, but you say, we don’t plow fields any more, or I don’t live in Czechloslovakia, so so what?

Why “in the field among the harvesters” in the year 2008, in the US, the UK, or the Ukraine? Because marriage involves a lot of work. Children to raise, houses to care for, someone to pull the load with you, careers to build, illnesses and disabilities to work through, degrees to attain, retirements to fund.

Ah, but that’s just for young folks, you say?

We know better than that. When you are choosing later in life, it isn’t time to think “retirement” and choose a playmate to go off on your yacht with you. There are illnesses, crucial problems with kids, finances to rearrange, declining health, investments to manage, and more work. Even the yacht has to be taken care of and funded.

Yes, you’ve saved the last dance for her, and she, for you, but think a little.

As a wise young man named Chester once told me, “Scenery gets old. No matter how good it is.”

And as an older, sadder-but-wiser client told me the other day, as he searches again, “If only she had been as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.”

If you are building a life together, it involves work. Choose your wife in a field …

Let me help you find the partner of your dreams and of your reality. The Dating Coach is here to help you.

DATING FOR SUCCESS SEMINAR IN DALLAS, Saturday, October 28, 10 am – 5 pm. Led by Dating Coach and emotional intelligence expert, Susan Dunn, M.A.  Beautiful facilities conveniently located 20 minutes from DFW airport. Email sdunn@susandunn.cc for information and pre-register at a discounted fee.

What kind of restaurant to choose for your first date

WHERE TO TAKE HER ON YOUR FIRST DATE

Today I did reviewed a local restaurant called Mezza Luna in Keller Tx (between Dallas and Fort Worth) that I think is an excellent place to take a woman for a first date.  I thought it would be a good example.

I don’t recommend inviting 16 women a week to meet you at Starbucks. This is like emailing “flirts” or sending out those canned messages. Women recognize them for what they are.  Why not be discriminating? Choose those who really appeal to you, for all the right reasons, and give it a good start and make a good impression by taking them to dinner. But not a chain restaurant! That’s the “:-)” thing again. Show that you are discriminating. That’s what a woman is looking for.

Why do I recommend this one:

• It is easy to get to, and to find. Off 1709, a major thoroughfare, one that’s easy to drive, and one that is about midway between Dallas and Ft. Worth.
• It is in a wide, designer type ’strip’ center, where the building stands higher than any others there, and the name is on it. Again, easy to find. It stands out.
• There is plenty of parking and no garage to have to mess with.
• When you walk in, there is a real foyer entrance. This sets a nice tone, and there are chairs if the lady (or you) should have to wait.
• It is open from 11 am to 10 pm, which gives you wide latitude … early lunch, lunch, late lunch, cocktails and heavy hors d’oeuvres, dinner, late dinner …
• There is a pianist there who plays on the weekends. This is a lovely touch as you can request something meaningful, or simply beautiful. I always ask for O Sole Mio. If you know the lyrics of this great Neapolitan love song, well it’s what we all want in our love …roughly translated … “It’s my own sun that’s in your face! The sun, my own sun! It’s in your face!”
• Ask for a table farthest from the piano though, so it isn’t too loud for conversation.
• It has white tablecloths. Need I say more? There is one white candle in a holder on the table.   Understatement.
• It is quiet enough to be romantic if you like, and to be able to talk; without being intimidating or overdone or “too” elegant for early dating.
• The food is excellent AND is reasonably priced. It somehow makes the right impression. Taking a woman out for a $70 steak is somehow overkill.  Counter-intuitively, it suggests that you are ill-at-ease or have low self-esteem. 
• The service is good. You should not have to worry about that.
• Like Goldilocks, it’s not too big, it’s not too small, it’s just right.
• The menu is Italian, but not so much it knocks you over the head.
• And lastly, what smells better than entering an Italian restaurant??

Find a restaurant that sets this kind of tone – Excellent and understated, with those white tablecloths! And where the location is not stressful. This allows you to devote your attention to the important part – getting to know each other.

Sneaky Questions on Dating Sites

DATING-FOR-SUCCESS SEMINAR IN DALLAS, October 18th.  Beautiful facilities, expert advice, beautiful results.  20 minutes from DFW.  Email me at sdunn@susandunn.cc for more information and to pre-register now a a discount. 

TRICK QUESTIONS

We’re all a little leery about dating on the Internet. What if we get a playboy, a golddigger, a bipolar, an addict, a felon, a wife beater …

Some people try to investigate these things with questions. There are actually places on the sites where you can list things like smoking, drinking and wanting kids. However, those questions come up. Did you ever get one where you think “Uh oh. Trick question.”

• Do you have your life together?
• How many times have you been married?
• You say you exercise daily. Are you one of the fanatics?
• Just how many “extra pounds” do you have?
• Would you say you are stable?
• How long before you retire?
• Don’t you think we live a little too far apart?
• How do you feel about dogs/grandchildren/travel overseas/Cadillacs …?

These questions present two dilemmas? For instance, everyone knows that the first clue to an alcoholic is that they lie and say they aren’t. Dilemma #1 – will you get a ‘true’ answer. More importantly will it be useful. What does “stable” mean? What are people really AFTER when they ask these questions, and lets admit, they show a bit of naivete. If you’re writing questions like these please get some Dating Coaching.

Secondly, knowing how impossible these questions are, what kind of person would ask them? They show more about the questioner. It’s like asking, “Did you keep you last wife locked in a closet and not allow her to go out ever?” (GOOD GRIEF!)  Or “Did you get hysterical whenever you had an argument with your husband so he had to hit you?”

Let me help you through the maze. That’s what the Dating Coach is here for.

sdunn@susandunn.cc . Lets get started now on finding that perfect partner for you!